Hearing the voices

I lay there, on the bathroom with my thoughts and me the only ones awake in my dark world. I could hear a voice. Faint but bone chilling. My mind. A set of words kept ringing in my head like sirens. “Don’t make me give up on you”. World crumbled around me as I looked into my eyes, dark gems forming crystals of tears as I tried every tactic to convince myself that I was strong. Kept repeating the words that should give you hope and strength to carry on. But why wasn’t it working for me? Why was I still breaking down like a fragile glass that had been shattered into small, insignificant bits? I twisted and turned to find a comfortable position to mourn but the uneasiness just built up. That was start of a whole new pain as I got up to go to bed but halfway my knees gave up. My thoughts were running aimlessly to no conclusion. The voices, those deafening screams made me lose consciousness. As I stared at knighting, my past stood in front of me waiting for an answer. My childhood blamed me for how my life turned out to be. I searched for hope, strength, a reason to continue this life. But none. They say “You are just 16. You haven’t even seen the world yet.” Yes, true I haven’t seen the world. But I have heard those voices demeaning my soul. My own voice calling me inferior names and that growing self-hatred. It’s a shame. My gasping was evident as I begged for my thoughts to stop. I couldn’t breathe. Those voices kept making me insane. Overlapping sentences of pure insults. “You think you are good enough?” “You can’t be but maybe you are” “You must be a shame to your family” “Your friends think of you as a burden” The voices kept questioning but answered them on their own. Head heavy, I plopped on my bed as I continued to feel numb, lying in a pool of my own tears. I looked at the ceiling fan turning constantly and eventually a thought came to me like a ray of hope. You need to be enough for yourself and that’s all that matters. You need to be there for yourself and that’s the key to not feel lonely. I know it’s hard but it’s better than laying in a pool of tears and your blood. You need to be strong for yourself, not to put an act in front of the society. If you were given a life to live, struggle with it but you shall abide by the fact that you deserved a life. That there are beautiful days and there is nowhere to go but up. Crying is not a sign of weakness. Giving up is. No one is perfectly alright. Every beautiful smile holds a dark past. Every problem matters. Hope will feel like just another word. Happiness will feel just like any other emotion. But when you know their worth, the feeling of accomplishment and ecstasy will leave you peaceful. And life shall go on, as it should.