Each one of us has been plagued by days where we have no motivation left, where we feel distant from the world, where we feel like we have no one, where the emptiness is so vast that it feels like it’s all we’ve ever known and everything around us can’t stop falling apart. In such times, it’s more significant than ever, to remember that things get better. As cliché as it sounds, life has a way of fixing itself.
But even though so many of us have been in the same boat before, each one of us is different, so as you read ahead it’s important to remember two things. Firstly, all of us being so different means the things that work for some may not work for others. Secondly, in no way am I a mental health professional, if things are too overwhelming or even if you just need someone to guide you, reach out to the right people. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help from someone who’s educated themselves to be able to do just this. You are loved. You are wanted. You are not alone.
That being said, here are some ways to take care of your own mental health when you don’t want outside support.
The foremost thing one can do is, reflect. Reflect in ways where you’re not only looking at your thoughts and emotions, but also at the people and things that surround you. Identify the destructive people who are a part of your life, the people you no longer enjoy spending time with, who make you feel bad about yourself, who drain you of your energy and remove them. It isn’t necessary to cut them off or completely disappear of course, but it is important to distance yourself. You come first, always.
Detoxify your social media feed. This was one of the biggest game changers I’ve ever come across, the things we see daily impact us more than we realise and once you see them less you truly understand how much you needed them gone. Unfollow the model looking influencer that tries to sell you diet products and tells you to change yourself. Mute the ‘friends’ whose stories dishearten you or the friend whose stories are just annoying. You should also unfollow all those news outlets that seem to keep you informed; while activism and awareness are good things, seeing terrible things happening every hour of every day can start to feel disconcerting. You know where to find these pages when you need them, stay informed at your pace. Prioritise yourself.
After that’s been done, rejuvenate your social media feed. Follow the people who promote a positive message you agree with. Follow pages that share positive news. Follow those who remind you how important you are and how necessary it is to take care of yourself. Save every post that makes you smile and stop saving the dark things that seem relatable. Personally, I’d recommend you follow some of these pages to begin with: @jameelajamilofficial, @goodnews_movement, @majicallynews, @mentalhealthquotes and @journey_to_wellness. Shift your focus to the good in the world.
Try your best to compliment at least three people a day. Every time you notice something you like about someone, tell them. Tell your friends how much you like their sense of humour, tell that stranger how nice their hair looks, tell your acquaintance how much you appreciate their outgoing attitude; find one thing you like about that person you hate and go tell them. This way you’ll start to notice more and more nice things about the world as well as about yourself, the more you see the good in others, the more you notice the good in yourself. The more you see people smile because of your compliments and warm words, the more you’ll realise just how important you are. Allow yourself to see yourself in a positive manner.
I leave you with one last way to grow; try what I like to call the 5 and 6 method. Write down a list of anything and everything you can think of that troubles you at the moment. Then circle all the problems that would still matter in 5 years if left unsolved in one colour, for example red. Then circle everything that would still affect you in 6 months if left unsolved in a different colour, for example blue. Look at everything you haven’t circled and remember that these issues aren’t worth stressing about, if they’re not going to matter in the near or later future why bother giving them so much attention now? Then look at your blue problems, deal with the ones that you choose to and give yourself enough time to move on from the ones you choose not to. Slowly work your way up to the red problems, these are the important things, oftentimes these are things that are out of your control. If you think you know what to do to solve them, go ahead. But in case you don’t know what to do, reach out to someone. I reiterate that there is nothing wrong with asking for support when you need it, as a species we’re inherently dependent on one and other, so don’t shy away from help.
While there is so much more to be said, a million ideas can’t be put into one blog post. I speak confidently about the methods I’ve mentioned because they’re part of what helped me pull myself out of some of my darkest times. If you’d like to talk about more ways to help yourself get better, I’m always available. You can reach out to me on Instagram (@ti.aaaaax) and I’d be happy to listen and share with you. Remember you are not alone. You are important. You are needed. You are unique. And you are here for a reason.
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